Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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