I am spending my child support on dildos
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize