yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
