two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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