Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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