Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He kissed a someone with a penis
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
