Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
