They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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