Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
