why didn't you poke me back
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
