I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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