She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
