Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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