Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
