Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
