mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
