man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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