You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
