I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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