Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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