she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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