you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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