the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize