you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
