my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
