Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
