I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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