He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
