just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
