nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
soo... how was my night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
