u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize