My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just blew my weed a kiss
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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