wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want her autograph on my taint
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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