We're like a lot better than the average bears
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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