There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize