Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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