So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
