If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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