and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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