Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
