i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
