fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
