A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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