WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
People in love make me want to vomit
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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