I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
