Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
