I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
