Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize