i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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