I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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