You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
