i wish starbucks made bloody marys
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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