She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
