i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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