i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
