We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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