Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
