you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
