If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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