i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
