worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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