You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
