Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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