Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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