Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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