I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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