drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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