he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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