Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
