Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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