This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize