that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
