Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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