I just threw up on my dentist
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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