HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
